i softened. i couldn’t help it. i wanted to be cold and determined, resolved. i wanted to walk out and never look back. but, robert had my heart, he'd had it since i was sixteen years old, when he first gave me that ride home in his jeep. he had it before then, really. back when i daydreamed about him, and made mixed tapes for him that i thought i'd never give him, watched him walk through the world and wonder. then later, when we shared conversations and shared spaces, when he shared his walls with me. i loved him more still when he gave me sleep, safety, and helped glue me back together.
so, yes, i softened. i walked over to him and let him collapse into my arms like i had so many times before.
"please stay with me, janie. i'll make this work. i will. just give me some time. please don't leave." he was pleading with me, with his eyes and his voice, and his tears. i was the one holding him up now, leading him back to his bed, letting him curl up into me, his head resting on my chest. it was my voice saying words of comfort, this time.
i stayed.
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